


evergreen

by elvass



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Friends, F/F, F/M, Fraternities & Sororities, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, Little Homophobia, M/M, Marco and Ymir are Twins, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Swearing, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, blackmailing, italian!marco, jean doesn't need this shit, mild fake/pretend relationship, mun nerd, there are a lot of references to italian indie artists and music, ymir is a littler shit, you don't need to be experts or knowing them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:32:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvass/pseuds/elvass
Summary: Jean’s life has been a continuous exchanging of weird events which have led him to Trost University, with some random people as friends, a 3.9 gpa, the dream of being professor Smith’s assistant before his graduation, and a huge crush for Marco Bodt (who is in a perfect and beautiful relationship with the magnificent Christa Lenz). His life is not perfect, but just by having Marco around is what keeps him going by. Not that he was going to try anything anyway, but maybe he should stop expressing dangerous wishes because sometimes they can end up coming true in very unconventional and painful methods.or in which jean’s a politics nerd, he really needs to get a grip of himself before Ymir ruins his life, and he learns to love Italian indie alternative music without knowing even a word in Italian.





	1. nuda nudissima

It is important for me, and my mental health, to start somewhere, and I want to start talking about the infamous frat party in which I discovered that my life sucks. I am not much of a party guy; on the other hand, I prefer staying at home with my flatmate Marlo playing _Overwatch_ or _Call of Duty_ instead of drinking until I puke my life and smoking weed. However, it’s not what happened that night.

 

I have never felt so uncomfortable before, not even when my aunt Gwyneth pointed out that I peed myself during Christmas day when I was thirteen, and not even when Susan Jones rejected me in twelfth grade because I had acne. This is on another level of uncomfortableness because fucking Eren Jeager is with us, and I despise his loud voice and his being alive and annoying. Not only that, but Connie Springer decided to join last moment in the second he knew that Sasha was coming, and I quickly figured out that I am going to be the one that will stay sober for the sake of everybody. I don’t trust Connie and Eren in places full of alcohol by themselves. Too much trouble. Nevertheless, this was not the worst because Reiner Braun knocked at my door to pick me up, and Reiner is the worst human being who exists in this earth, after me of course. He doesn’t even remember my name, and he fakes to like me in order to woo Bertholdt, my cousin and the love of his life.

 

“Don’t be silly _John_ , you’ll have fun! Mikasa’s gonna be there, and Sasha, and Tiffany, and Stacey, and Britney, and…” but the point is, even if Reiner is listing all the hot girls we know, I don’t wanna be with them. And fuck, is it a lot to remember my name? I mean, it’s not that difficult, and I guess people are able to pronounce it correctly by now, it’s our fucking junior year for fuck’ sake. But whatever, the only pro of the night is Armin, who promised me that we are just gonna check out the party and then leave.

 

“Reiner, it’s _Jean_ , not John, don’t you remember a little bit of French from high school?” Reiner doesn’t answer, but I couldn’t care less about what he is saying. I just want to go home.

 

When my cousin had the brilliant idea to join this fraternity, all my family was so proud of him, but my question was only _why_? He is not even the type to join a fraternity, so shy and uncomfortable with the world, the loser attitude and a complete dork for science. But I guess that when you are this legend in rowing you have much more possibilities of doing whatever the fuck you want, while me, a complete loser, I have to be happy with just a small and really sad apartment just 5 minutes from the campuses.

 

“When is Marco coming around?” asks Eren, and I think my eyes just twitched in a weird tic. Since when do they know someone called Marco? I mean, there is a Marco around school, but it’s impossible that these losers have had the opportunity or are this funny to be around fucking Marco Bodt.

 

Anyway, I can’t do anything but blush at that name, I have this huge crush on Marco Bodt since freshmen year, when he asked me where were one of the deans’ offices. However, through the years, it just kept on growing as something really awkward because whenever I saw him around campus or in class I would stutter something idiotic and then run away. Not that I was the only one to be in love with him, on the contrary, with his muscular built, dark hair, chocolate eyes and tons of freckles, he has won mister Trost every year since he enrolled to Trost University. Moreover, being super handsome would be enough for someone, but not for him. No. Marco Bodt is also one of the smartest kid in school, with a 4.0 gpa, every semester in the dean’s list, and the most nicer guy that the University has ever seen. He would tutor everyone from freshmen to seniors. Let’s not forget the fact that he is also the president of the MUN society,( which won several prizes and medals since he enrolled), and he is the lead singer of the _Titans_ , a band that he formed at the end of our first year and that is gaining a lot of popularity lately because of his talent. In short, the most perfect human being that this awful planet has ever seen. So, no, they can’t be talking about him, there is no way in hell they are this cool to even be around him.

 

“He lives with Annie near the fraternity, I think he is already there” Armin answers… and Armin too?! What is happening to the world? Are they all betraying me? However, I feel a bit sick, because the guitarist name of the _Titans_ is Annie, and I know for sure that she lives with him and his twin sister Ymir (the only person closest to Marco who I had a conversation with, only because she is a pain in the neck and we always fight over a spot at Pop’s, the diner in campus). When the fuck did they have the time to befriend him without me? And how that happened? I mean, I always hang out with these guys even if I don’t want to.

 

“No, this morning he told me he had plans with his girlfriend, what’s her name? Kristina or something…” Connie says twisting his lips. But no, the Marco I know doesn’t have a girlfriend, it is not possible that he has a girlfriend, so they must be talking about another Marco who lives with them. The world is so fucking huge and he can’t be the only one with that name.

 

 “Oi, Christa! Her name is Christa, she is the fucking head cheerleader and the president of student government” Eren says rolling his eyes “she always buys you fries when we hang out, how can you forget?” and again, Christa Lenz?! When the fuck these people go out without me? I feel so left out that I must have stopped walking because Armin looks at me weirdly and I have no idea what is going on.

 

“What are you talking about? You friends with the head cheerleader? Since when?” I dare to ask super surprised at the group, I mean, I saw Reiner talking to Christa a bunch of times, but I thought it was because he was trying to hit on her last year because he thought for a month that he had no chance with my cousin, but what about Eren and Connie? (Armin is really a cool guy, I wouldn’t be surprised if he were to be Christa and Marco best friend honestly) They are the loudest and most annoying people on the planet, how can these two wonderful human beings be friends with them? AND SINCE WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER?

 

“Since you started to ditch us to play your stupid video games every night. I still don’t get how the fuck you have a gpa as high as Armin’s” of course Eren is jealous of my gpa, he is not even at a 3.0 and he studies fucking communications, I have no idea how he is still managing to be in college anyway. “Three weeks,” says Connie, but I shrug my shoulders and follow Armin, being careful on whatever I say around them because I don’t want to start a fight and I can’t wait for this party to be over. I returned to campus around the beginning of this week, and maybe it might be true that I stayed closed in the house catching up my Call of Duty with Marlo, but this happened only because I was working in a camp in Michigan all summer, and there is no fucking internet.

 

“True Jean, Eren is right for once in his life! You should hang more with us! They are nice, and Marco told us that you have shared classes together and that he wanted to talk to you since freshmen year” and now I have the certainty that the one they are talking about is fucking Marco Bodt, and I just think that dying is the best option for me right now. Not only, apparently Marco knows about my existence as a human being, which makes me wanna cringe because of the amount of awkwardness that I have around him, but also he has a fucking girlfriend, so my time of daydreaming about getting together is so long gone that I really want to cry. Suddenly my chest hurts and I really want to go home and ditch everybody just to cry by myself.

 

“Jean, my man, are you okay?” Connie must have noticed that I really want to explode because he is patting my back, and he is looking at me with his concerning eyes, which usually reserves only to Sasha. 

 

“What?”

 

“I mean, are you okay? Your face is so red, it seems like it’s gonna explode or something” and probably I think I am going to, in the middle of the streets, at five minutes walking from the fraternity, and my only thoughts would be to fucking Marco Bodt and his perfection.

 

“I-” but instead of answering, I clear my throat and raise my head with a cocky smirk. Sometimes I think I just have to take drama classes because I am so good at faking “I just can’t believe at all the bullshit that you guys are telling me. I just can’t fucking believe you hang out with Christa Lenz” I manage to say at the end, pushing Connie and laughing a bit. I just deserve an Emmy right now, I am so good that I believe myself.

 

“Well, start now loser” and this moment, my friends, this is the moment in which everything started to fall in million little pieces and I felt that my life was going to dramatically change. Eren is showing me a picture of them plus Marco and Christa at Pop’s parking, the girl is feeding Connie with french fries, and Marco has his t-shirt covered in ketchup and laughing at Eren who is apparently wet of what seems to be Pepsi. This is so wrong that makes me wanna cringe.

 

“Eren you are such an asshole” and I am so surprised to hear this words coming from Reiner, I mean, he is like Eren older brother by now “ _horse-face_ is cool, and I know for sure that Marco likes him, once he bragged all afternoon about him being a populist freak or something, and how _cool_ it is to have someone this passionate in our school, and that one time he was peer pressuring Armin about talking to him about joining his club about nations or whatever… ” I am just ready to die. I want to die quickly and without any pain because this is too much information for me to handle and I have no intention to keep going in this life like this anymore.

 

“Marco… talks about me?” and I truly wish that I don’t sound like Connie when he sings Drake, or Sasha when they open a new restaurant. I just don’t wanna sound that desperate in front of them, they must not know anything about my really unhealthy obsession towards this guy. Especially because we have never talked in three years, and that even in the bunch of classes we shared, our interactions were so academic related that they don’t count at all. But again, there is also the possibility that Reiner is lying to me, so I can say something good about him to Berthold.

 

“Yeah dude, if I didn’t know about him and Christa I would think that he has this really huge crush on you like massive” Connie adds like it is not a big of a deal. And I repeat, like it is nothing that Marco Bodt has a huge massive crush on me, not at all, I mean, he is just perfect and I am me, how can it be so weird.

 

“Ah ah, that’s funny Connie, a crush on me” and then I just fell silent because I have no strength on keeping up the conversation, the others must think the argument is closed because they change the topic, and now Eren is complaining about how hard are the classes with Pixis.

 

People, don’t get me wrong, because I knew from the beginning that Marco was straighter than an arrow and that I had no possible chance in this life and the next one, but with him being single is a thing, him being with nonetheless than Christa Lenz is too much for me to handle. There is no competition to begin with. Now that I think about it some more, they perfectly fit each other, and I know that she would treat him so well and be the perfect and supportive girlfriend who everybody dreams to have.

 

In my stream of consciousness, we arrive in front of this huge frat house, where I can hear some Migos’ song playing from outside. The courtyard is full of empty beer cans, and the smell of weed can be noticed from afar. I still have no idea why my life is this disgusting.

 

“Okay guys, I’m going to find Bertholdt. See ya later” and then, without even waiting for us to respond, Reiner sprints to the house and disappears inside. The door is open, so I just roll my eyes and I follow the others inside. Students are everywhere in the house in the most despicable status that I have seen them be; people making out in corners, empty liquor bottle all around, frat boys dancing everywhere and try to hit on girls in the worst way possible. Just chaos.

 

“Oh, here Marco!” and now, everybody would think that my first thought is running and never come back, maybe hide in Mexico or Peru; however, when Eren starts calling Marco Bodt and gestures him to join us, I just panic and my feet freeze. I mean, how can I be so stupid and not walk? But here I am, with the palest face ever in front of the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen in my entire life.

 

“Hey guys! I am so happy that you’re here, I am going on stage in a few minutes! I think this is the first time you hear the _Titans_ live” Marco’s voice is so sweet that think I am dying of diabetes. Then he moves his eyes to look at me, and I suddenly feel like exploding.

 

“Hey! You’re Jean, so nice to finally meet you out of school” he says, and his eyes are glowing, and the lights are making his freckles even more shiny than normal. I nod shyly while I mutter a hi, and then Eren steals the show by asking some weird questions about the band. Marco Bodt just acknowledged me and I have no idea how to deal with it; however, my chances of even speaking to him are somehow blocked by Annie Leonhardt, who pushes Marco out of our sight by bringing him on the little stage that they build in the living room.

 

“I just can’t wait! Thomas told us he is going to sing in Italian! How cool is that?” and Armin is right, how cool is Marco? How is possible that we have the possibility to breathe the same air?

 

Anyway, even though I am so pumped about listening to Marco singing in Italian, I wonder if I would catch the song. All I know about Italian and Italy are the weird stories of Reiner’s study abroad in Rome, and even just listening to his stories are an experience, and not a good one. Next to Marco, Annie is tuning the guitar, and Thomas sits behind the drums; Marco helps Mina with the bass and then he speaks in the microphone to try it. When I was about to start thinking about enjoining the night, here is Eren who screams that we have to go the first row. I try to say no, and I even try to fake going to the bathroom, but Armin takes my hand and we settle next to Ymir.

 

“Hey _horse-face_ , what’s up,” she says to me, and I just shrug my shoulders muttering a weird hi; next to her Christa Lenz hugs Armin, and then she moves next to me showing a huge smile. It’s so bright I think I am going blind.

 

“Hi! I am Christa! You must be Jean, the guys always talk about you, I am so happy that you decided to join us!” and she is so sincere, that I almost feel guilty about thinking of ditching them.

 

“Hey, nice to meet you” I say uncomfortable, but she seems to not notice my awkwardness. Then she passes me a cup full of beer and wink at me. I gladly accept, and I wait for death to come by my side. Migos stops playing the exact moment Annie turns on the microphone, and the eyes of everybody in the room now focus on the people on stage.

 

“Hello everybody!” Marco says, and the students start screaming and whistling to them. Mina, an English lit sophomore, smiles fondly and claps her hands next to Marco, while Thomas and Annie just stare at the crowd pleased.

 

“It’s so amazing to be back home! Even though I loved Italy with every fiber of my body I just missed Trost so much!” true, with Reiner, a huge group of students went to study abroad to Italy this summer, and I didn’t know that Marco was one of them. I mean, he is half Italian, so it just makes sense, but I don’t really see him as the study abroad type.

 

“Not only the experience made me think about home a lot, but it led me to my beautiful future here!” and while he talks he looks at Christa with dreamy eyes. Next to me, she blushes, and someone is screaming _fucker loverboy_. It just makes me sick.

 

“Anyway, as you all know I am this cheesy sap boy, so I want to open with something for someone special in the crowd” Ymir, next to Christa mutters something like _yuck_ , and then she adds  _little motherfucker_. The blonde next to her just push her and whispers her to be quiet and to not insult her brother. Never like tonight I agree with Ymir, it’s just so disgusting. However, something really weird happens, because Annie brings a little case.

 

“Fuck yes, Bodt! Give us your heart!” everybody starts laughing, Marco is now holding a ukulele and he thanks Reiner in the microphone for the encouragement. If I didn’t know that Ymir is his sister I would say that she hates Marco’s guts. She keeps on booing him and complaining about how his hair is full of gel, I don’t know if she is doing it on purpose or not, but it seems to annoy Christa to the extent that she decides to move.

 

“Christa, listen clear,” he says, and I can feel my heart shrinking while he says it. The ukulele sounds nice, setting the tone like we are not in a lame frat party, but in a cloud dreaming. Thomas beats the drums lightly, and Mina plays so low that it is almost impossible to hear. Then Marco begins to sing, and my eyes are wide. His voice is so clean and perfect, and he does it with passion while looking straight into Christa’s eyes.

 

“ _The way we danced and hummed our favorite song/ the things we did last summer/ I'll remember all winter long_ ” only when he sings the chorus I notice that he is fucking singing to her Frank Sinatra and, _damn me_ , it’s so cute that I could die of diabetes, again. Marco is full of sugar and cotton candy, he spreads love and kindness from every fiber of his body, and he is so damn perfect I can’t even explain to me if this is just real or my fantasies.

 

Some of the people start dancing around the stage, and I can see with the back of my eye Reiner trying to get Bertholdt in there, with very little success. Connie is awkwardly dancing with Sasha, who’s ears are completely red, and she is trying to look cool about it. Everybody else, me included, are completely hypnotized by Marco’s voice. His fondly sweet voice which is capable to stop a world war better than the Christmas truce in 1914. I move my eyes for a second just to look at Christa. She is, literally, glowing, almost like she is under some kind of spell, and, seriously, I totally understand her feelings right now. It’s so disgusting I want to puke, and it’s so perfect that there is something brutally wrong. Is possible to love someone that way? I mean, we are talking about Marco Bodt, the most perfect human being on earth, but is it really that how you show someone that you love her? It seems so fake. Do they really need to show the world how cheesy they are?

 

“ _The leaves begin to fade like promises we made/ how could a love that seemed so right go so wrong/ that things that we did last summer/ I'll remember all winter long_ ” as he sings the last chords of the song, Christa has some tears in her eyes, and a lot of people are clapping loudly. Marco’s cheeks are as red as ripped tomatoes, and then Thomas grabs the microphone.

 

“Now that Marco had done with his fucking declaration of love, who wants some real music?” and the crowd explodes again. Marco is laughing brightly, and he sends a kiss to Christa from the stage. Un-fucking-believable. If someone would have told me at the beginning of the night that I would have witnessed to the most perfect and disgusting confession I would have laughed at them, but now that I saw, and that the man of my dream was part of it I just need some time to mope alone.

 

Anyway, I quickly finish my drink, and if I want to survive this night I just need to refill more than just once. The beer is weirdly good, not that shitty thing that seems like water, and I have to remember to ask Bertholdt who bought this to congratulate him. I pour myself more than what Christa gave to me before, and then I glance at Armin, the first row, who is telling something to Marco in his ears. It’s quick and familiar like they’ve been friends since forever. I am a bit jealous, that’s true, but like I shouldn’t be, and that makes me feel sick. Marco laughs at what Armin is saying, and Annie is just blabbing about how rude is for Marco to stop their concert just to talk to someone in the crowd, but he takes back the microphone smiling all teeth.

 

“Okay guys, someone really wants me to sing in Italian, I know, nobody will understand, but I guess you can dance?” he is so cute it hurts “Just background, I had a crush for this person, sorry Christa, and like summer of my freshmen year I listened to it no-stop, so this is for all the unrequited love in this room” Marco whispers what has to be the name of the song to his bandmates, and then Annie starts playing something. There is even more crowd than before, and I figure that people were really expecting Marco to sing in Italian. I manage to go back to my place next to Armin, who smiles at me, and Eren.

 

“Dude, there is beer here, why did you go back there?” Eren asks me, but I shrug my shoulders and I don’t answer because Marco’s voice is stealing all my attention.

 

“ _Ti si riempiono gli occhi con le onde del mare/ ogni volta che va male ne dobbiamo parlare, eh-eh_ ” and holy fuck. Holy shit, his voice changed completely. It doesn’t even seem like it’s him. He completely loses his American accent, and its tone is sweeter, like marshmallows. Eren is jumping and trying to sing along even though he doesn’t know a word in Italian. Anyway, it’s nice, everybody is dancing around us, and the language barrier doesn’t seem a problem. I mean, not that I was doubting that Marco Bodt would annoy a crowd, but it’s difficult to introduce new music apart from Drake, Jay-Z, Kanye West, Migos, Post Malone and so on at frat parties.

 

“ _Mi hai fatto a pezzi l’amore / e adesso non ci casco più_ ” it’s weird because when Marco sings those words, he looks at me in a weird way. Maybe he is looking for Christa, I try to catch her in the crowd so I can point her at him, but she is looking at me too. He sings again, smiling and moving his hips feeling the song, and his eyes don’t move from me.

 

“ _Ti aspetto qui seduto sotto al sole/ le strade sono come vene che si intrecciano/ per arrivarti al cuore/ e non mi dire di noooo_ …” he finally moves his eyes from me, to lose them in the crowd and paying attention to everybody. He feels so comfortable in front of everyone, I have no idea how he does it. I would have puked in front of everybody, I am more of a behind the scenes kind of guy. The song ends, and everybody cheers.

 

“Fucking fantastic!” Eren screams, and I mean, it’s Eren we are talking about, he is excited by everything. Armin claps loudly, and behind us Connie and Sasha whistle and asking for more. It’s only after a couple of minutes that Annie grabs the microphone this time. She doesn’t seem to change facial expression, I wonder how is it possible for her to be a theatre major, but I’m too sober to even think about it.

 

“So, who wants some fucking English?” the crowd roars, Marco laughs loudly and the _Titans_ starts playing some very pop song, it’s so mainstream that I have no idea of what it is. It gives me the opportunity to excuse myself from Armin and Eren and just go outside to smoke. Armin smiles, and he tells me that they are going to wait for me here and that I should start dancing and enjoying the night. Fucking fantastic. While I go outside, Reiner winks at me, and Bertholdt waves at me with a weak smile. We’ve never been close, as cousins, but I like Bertholdt, so I wave at him back and I start moving faster towards outside. At this point, I had at least four beers, and even if I promised myself to be sober for the sake of Eren and Connie, I couldn’t care less. This party is shit, I am confused and I want to go home.

 

Not only I feel like the worst human being on earth because of my horrible personality, but, in a twisted way, I like to punish myself in very creative ways. First of all, I just let the idiots who think are my friends to drag me to parties like this one; therefore, I always feel like shit afterward, and I think it helps to balance the shitty behavior that I have in school. Second, I smoke this much that I don’t understand how I don’t have cancer yet. It started as something to do to make me look cooler towards the other, but it ended up being my worst addiction, maybe even worse than Pepsi.

 

“Here you are,” says someone, while I light my cigarette, and I turn just to face Ymir’s cocky smirk. Honestly, I have no strength to deal with her shit, and I just want to tell her to fuck off and leave me be because all I want to do is crying. However, she doesn’t say something, she just steals one of my cigarettes without asking and take the lighter from my hands. Whatever, really. At this point, I literally just want to go home.

 

“Not in the mood,” I say, and I truly mean it. I strongly exhale the nicotine, and I wait until the horrible taste of chemicals surrounds my mouth. I should just quit, but with everything in my life, I just let it be.

 

“Tell me about it” and something in her voice is telling me that she is not here to fight me or mock me, but just chill. I have nothing to say to her, so I just stay quiet while I check on some Instagram stories. I’ve never been a guy of many words, the only time I speak loud is during professor Smith’s class, but for the rest, I don’t really care.

 

“You know, he doesn’t love her” she says, and I block my phone, staring at my black screen, not understanding “They started this thing in Rome, but he doesn’t love her, I don’t even think he likes her” but still, I am not following her words.

 

“What do you mean”

 

“Marco doesn’t love Christa” and I truly believe that tonight is the night of the bullshits and revelations. How can she even think about it after what just happened inside? And, even if it’s true, why would she be telling me all of that?

 

“No shit” I answer her sarcastically because really, I just cannot deal with any of the pranks she is pulling me. I am too naïve to think that Ymir wants to talk to me normally.

 

“Just listen to me, I’ve known my brother since we were inside my mother belly,” she says, and her eyes are dead serious, so serious that they almost scary me “he can be perfect, but I know when he is lying, and I know he lies when he says that he loves her, or that he likes being with her” then she sighs, and she turns to look at me straight in the eyes “he doesn’t love her, and it’s breaking him… and her.”

 

“I am… sorry?” I try to say because even though all of this is true, I can’t do anything about it. Yes, part of me is like selfishly so freacking happy about the news (even though the other part doesn’t believe her), but what can I do about it? Nothing. Should I do something about it? Absolutely not. It’s their life, and I am no part in it.

 

“You have a crush on my brother, right?” and now, while the last ashes of my cigarette hit my shoes, and from the house, I can clearly hear a Post Malone’s song, my mouth goes dry, and I stare scared into her eyes. What the fuck. What the _actual_ fuck? How can she know about my crush? I haven’t even said the name Marco out loud in my entire life. I never stare at him outside of class, and I even manage to try not to talk to him  _during_ fucking class. I shouldn’t be obvious, and she makes it sounds like it is. I look behind her shoulder to see if someone is filming, maybe this is one of Connie’s prank, and now he would appear saying ‘ _Gotcha, Jean!’_ , but no one appears and I kind of feel violated.

 

“Chill, nobody told me” she adds “I figured it out for sure during the ukulele song, you were gonna cry in front of everybody, like a puppy when they steal its toys” but nevertheless, this doesn’t make me feel any better. What if someone has noticed too? What if Marco saw the way I was looking at him, and now thinks I am a creep? What if…

 

“Also because I was feeling the same… you know… like crying” and Ymir never sounded so… _girly_ ever before. She stares now at the point of her shoes, and her freckled cheeks are slightly red, mostly because I think she has just shared something very personal, which totally contradicts her personality and the way she acts in front of people. I try to elaborate on the information that I just listened to, but I fail to find any way in which I can help her. I suck at helping people, and I suck at dealing with emotions, I can’t even deal with mine without having a mental break down.

 

“What I’m saying, _horse-face_ , is that I want you to help me breaking them up” her tone is back at being aggressive as it has always been, and I feel something shivers on my spine. What the fuck?

 

“What the fuck?”

 

“You get me, fucking retard. You’re the only dipshit that have seen them with disgust and that have felt that there is something wrong with them, because it is, _so wrong_ ” she says pointing her shoes to the ground “And this is why I want your fucking self to fucking help me, or you can bet I will tell everybody your fucking obsession with my brother” what? She just told me that she figured it out tonight, she is crazy as fuck.

 

“Are you insane? I am not gonna help you for shit. You know nothing, you have nothing, and I will not-” This is not my fucking problem, and I am not gonna do anything. It’s not me who will get involved in this sick bullshit she wants to do. If she has any problem with their relationship she can deal with it without me.

 

“Well then, I see how it is” she whispers before she even finishes to hear what I have to say. Sometimes I feel really dumb because I easily forget that Ymir was a wrestling champion during high school, and her punch is so fast that I hardly see it. She gets straight to my face, and I almost fell, but then she grabs my hand and took my phone. I want to say something, and I truly want to stop her, or scream, but I taste blood in my mouth and I lose balance. She unlocks the phone and starts scrolling through it. Lying on the floor I slowly panic, because there is my life on that phone, and I want her to stop.

 

“What the-”

 

“ ‘ _Dear Marco, you were quiet today in class, this is weird-’_ Fuck, Kirschtein, here I thought to look for some weird picture of my baby brother, or like, create something… but this is _gold_ ” the blood  that I taste in my mouth is strong, and I can’t really think clearly “Dude!! These are like almost one year of letters! Man, who thought that the heartless piece of shit that you are is _actually_ with a heart?” even though I can’t stand and I can’t say something, I can see her evil smile, and I just feel like dying. How the fuck did she get to my notes? Like, I even put a code on them, and I make sure nobody uses my phone because of it. It’s a stupid way in which I cope my crush, but she has no right to read them “You know what? I am emailing all of them to me, fuck, this is what I call dedication horse-face, I am almost impressed” I have no idea where I get the strength to get up, and just try to take my phone back, but Ymir smiles again, giving it to me with this face who is only saying victory.

 

“You will help me, Kirschtein. Whether you like it or not” with the phone in my hand and my mail which is telling me that all the messages are sent, I feel my eyes burning in tears. This is so humiliating, not only for crying in public, one of my life-long fears, but now she has me. She has the only thing that I care the most in my fucking useless life, _my thoughts_. “You will help me, or your fucking diary will be published worldwide, and you have to hide in fucking Uranus to bear with the embarrassment” she spits angrily. My mouth is still full of blood, incapable of answering her back.

 

“Anyway, we can’t make the others think that we were having some business, can we?” and when she punches me again I understand what she means. I don’t lose consciousness immediately, I have the time to register Ymir fake screaming against someone, and then her voice calling Eren and Armin for help. I want to laugh, I fucking want to cry. Then everything is black.


	2. briciole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marco is perfect as always, and that's pretty much it

Dreaming is nice. It’s something that has always made me feel good; in a dream, nothing would actually hurt you or kill you. Dreams are comforting, and, in my case, they always show me the life I would deserve if I were a good person. The smell of pancakes, waking up in a very clean room, and a bunch of pictures of Marco Bodt attached on the wall. Men, that is a _perfect_ dream. I smile on the pillow and I stretch my arms, maybe this is not a dream but heaven. I am finally dead, and I don’t have to deal with anything anymore. The walls are yellow, as any other student apartment around campus, and the lights of the sun from the window makes it bigger and more welcoming. Maybe heaven is just a huge university campus. This must be the nice part because I don’t think dreaming about Ymir punching me is nice. Anyway, it’s all gone. I don’t have to stress about it anymore.

 

“Oh, you are awake! That’s nice, breakfast is almost ready, do you feel okay?” I turn my eyes to the door and I hold my breath. Fuck my life. Being dead must be the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, because Marco Bodt is in front of me, with a very tight t-shirt, the shortest sweatpants ever and bed hair. I open my mouth to say something, but he moves towards me and looks straight at my face.

 

“I am so sorry for what happened yesterday, Ymir told me they were some idiots from the kappa tau, but I think that the bruise will tone a bit for tomorrow when classes start” I register his words in my mind, and then I touch my face. Wait. This is still a dream, right? I stand quickly from the bed, and I notice that I am wearing the same clothes I was wearing at the party. Marco looks at me very confused, and my face must look even more confused than his to him.

 

“I… don’t remember very well” I lie, but I see glimpses of the previous night in my head in slow motion. Then, I lightly touch my face, and I feel pain on my left cheek. The reality of the situation hits me like a bucket of ice water.

 

_Ymir._

_Her threat._

_My diary’s about Marco on my phone._

_Making him and Christa breaking up._

 

I almost can’t feel my legs. I need to balance myself with the bed behind me just in case I would faint or something. There is no dream, no nightmare, no heaven and no hell. Everything that happened is real. I want to puke. Over. My life is just _over_.

 

I don’t really have the time to elaborate on what to do or what to say, because then Marco moves to his wardrobe, and takes a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. If I am not dead and this is not a dream, then the whole conversation with Ymir truly happened, and the fact that she has all my letters to Marco is true. I feel like shaking with the realization that my life is completely done.

 

“Don’t worry, Armin and me took you straight here in my apartment” he says smiling, and maybe his smile is what it prevents a very colossal breakdown in front of him “You didn’t lose a lot of blood, but you passed out, so we put you in my bed” and what the fuck? Is this… Marco’s room? My panic is now probably visible, because Marco mutters an _Are you okay?_ while giving to me his clothes.

 

“Yes… I-I’m just still thinking of… yesterday” I manage to say at the end “It was too fast, I don’t understand” I clear my voice and I thank him for the clothes.

 

“That’s fine, kappa tau people are the actual worst” Marco smiles again, and tap my shoulder “We’ll wait for you in the kitchen for breakfast” and with that, he leaves me alone in his room.

 

This is the first actual conversation that I have with Marco Bodt ever, and I feel like shit. My jaw still hurts, and my legs are in pain for having slept with tight jeans the whole night, so I quickly change and I go to the bathroom in Marco’s room. Everything is so clean I am almost jealous, like it seems they have someone who cleans or something. My left cheek is dark purple, and my lips have a deep cut which is still healing. Great. Not only I was a fool in front of him, but I look like a fucking child from a concentration camp in North Korea.

 

I wash my face, and I quickly leave the room, putting my dirty clothes on the only chair in the room. The apartment reminds me of the one that I share with Marlo, and it makes me smile for the sense of familiarity that I feel. I can hear the voices of many people chatting in the last room of the corridor, which I guess it must be the kitchen. I mutter to myself that I can do it, and that it is just a breakfast, but really, everything related to Marco is something more. It’s so funny thinking about all the power that he has towards me even without having any kind of interactions.

 

“Hi,” I say entering the room, and everybody stops talking putting all their attention to me. I feel my cheeks going red, and I truly hate being at the center of the attention, like a fucking walk of shame.

 

“Oh, _horse-face_ , you awake” Ymir is the first one who approaches me with a really cocky smirk, and she stands pointing me her chair. She stares at me almost laughing, and giving me thumbs up. Like I’ve done something good, but really I just woke up “I bet you had really sweet dreams. Here, I have to go change” she says, and I want to punch her so bad that I have to bite my tongue to repress my instincts.

 

“Good morning Jean” Christa’s voice is always nice. I smile at her from the other side of the table while I take Ymir’s place. On my left, Annie doesn’t say anything, but she moves her face in a way in which I assume she wants to say hi. Thomas just says good morning, and then keeps on reading some book, which is weird because classes start tomorrow and I don’t think that he has any summer readings.

 

“I hope you like chocolate chips pancake, bacon is on the table, I am sorry but Ymir finished the eggs, but we have cereal and milk… and I think we still have some bananas…” Marco starts rambling about breakfast, and I just feel very overwhelmed by how this looks really like home than in a student’s apartment.

 

“Marco likes to be an housewife” Annie clarifies rolling her eyes and taking three pancakes. Perfect, he is absolutely perfect and this is totally insane. Marco laughs patting Annie’s head, and he tells me to not listen to her grumpiness because she didn’t have her coffee yet and she likes to make bad comments about him.

 

“But it’s true! You’re like our mom! Feeding us, cleaning the house, giving us _looooove_ ” I am really disgusted by the way in which these two interact, especially Christa’s glowing eyes. But I feel like also Thomas can’t stand these cheesy remarks by the power couple too, because he mimics like he wants to puke and Annie slightly laughs.

 

“It’s fine… I think this is actually my first healthy meal since I come back” I manage to say trying not to mention the full week of take-outs, and the previous year spent eating instant ramen and microwaved meals. This looks like fucking heaven. “I’ll just have the pancake and some milk” Marco smiles at me and kisses Christa on her forehead, and I feel so guilty all of a sudden. I feel so guilty because Ymir trapped me in her insane plan of making them break up. I sigh. It’s not right, I know it, and I will regret every actions that will follow, but I can’t let her to publicize my letters. They’re so _private_. Even though I knew from the beginning that it was such a stupid idea, like I was a thirteen-years old girl, it just helps me to analyze my days, and it’s the only way in which I can talk to Marco really. Lost in my thoughts, I feel Annie’s gaze to me, or more precisely, on my chest.

 

“Is- is there something wrong?” I ask her. Maybe I spilled some butter, or it’s just weird that I am wearing Marco’s t-shirt or that-

 

“Marco, is that your _Calcutta_ t-shirt?” I raise my eyebrows, and I just look at the t-shirt. It’s a simple yellow t-shirt, with a green sentence in which I think is Italian, but the only word that I can read is _evergreen_.

 

“Oh, are you feeling okay Marco? That is, in fact, your _Calcutta_ t-shirt” Thomas says staring at me. I can see Christa’s eyes on me as well. She isn’t saying anything, but I can feel almost annoyance in her face. What’s the deal?

 

“It’s the first one I picked in my wardrobe,” he says simply, and putting fruit in the middle of the table and finally sitting with all of us next to Annie. I have no idea what they’re talking about, but in a very weird way, I feel the pressure on wearing this damn t-shirt.

 

“Is it? I thought that no one was allowed to wear the t-shirt except you” asks Annie, but Marco doesn’t answer and he squeezes Christa’s hand while he eats his pancake. Thomas must understand that the freckles guy doesn’t want to be bothered so he doesn’t pry more than looking a little annoyed. However, Annie is not satisfied, as she stares at him with her glacial blue eyes. Christa remains silent and I feel more uncomfortable every second that passes.

 

“I think that Jean looks good in yellow, so can we keep on eating breakfast? Christa, sweetheart, do you want some honey for your granola?” and the argument is closed, because Annie sighs and Christa cheerfully answer a no. I almost spill my milk when he talks. Me? Good? In? Yellow? Are they all kidding me? Marco must have noticed my surprise as he winks at me and passes me a paper towel. This is all so weird. In that exact moment, Ymir enters the room fully changed in gym clothes, moving the clean dishes next to the sink and sitting on the table next to her brother. Marco mutters something about being animals who live in the forest, but she ignores him.

 

“Do you need any help on washing the dishes, baby brother?” she asks in a way in which it seems like she has no intention in washing the dishes. However, I am a guest, I slept on his bed and he lent me his clothes, and the less I can do is washing the dishes, so I get up and I mutter something about doing it right away.

 

“Don’t be silly Jean, you’re our guest, and you got hurt yesterday” Marco smiles while he talks to me, and it seems like his eyes are shining  “you can hang out here if you want” Christa chokes, and takes a long sip of orange juice.

 

“Or maybe you can go home, you must be tired” and now, this is not very… Christa? I mean, not that I know her that well, but it just sounds wrong to be rude coming from a little and adorable person like Christa Lenz. Ymir smirks, and Marco shushes her. Anyway, even though she was rude as hell, Christa is right. What am I doing here?

 

“You’re right,” I say getting up. I put my plate and my cup in the sink, at least, and I try to wave goodbye to everybody.

 

“Jean, it’s fine, we can hang out if you want” Marco repeats and he is staring straight into my eyes, and I truly want to believe that maybe he really wants me there. That he wants to spend time with me without any unreal and despotic condition. “Last day before classes start and we will have no time to live” he jokes. And even if my heart aches because I would love to say yes, but Christa is right, so I say that I am tired and that it’s better if I go home.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m going to the gym anyway, so I’ll walk him out” I truly don’t want to walk out with Ymir, especially after being literally kicked out of Marco’s house by his girlfriend, but the universe hates me so much that apparently, I have no other choice.

 

“I’m gonna grab my clothes and…”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll wash them and I’m gonna give it to you tomorrow around school, sounds good?” of course. Tomorrow. Something that I was not looking for at all for classes, but suddenly a day to wait for.

 

“Thank you so much Marco, you’re really a nice guy,” I say then grateful for everything. It’s not every day that someone is this nice to you without any reasons, just for the sake of being nice. If I were alone yesterday night, probably no one would have help me and I would have woken up in the middle of the fraternity courtyard with a face full of blood.

 

“No need to thank me Jean, it was my pleasure” and with that said, my heart explodes a little bit. I can feel my cheeks blushing, and Ymir laughing behind me. Christa remains silent the whole time, staring at me in a very unsettling way. Did she notice that I have a crush on him? If yes, will she tell him that? I have no time to answer all the questions in my head because Ymir is pushing me out the kitchen, so I wave again goodbye and I go out of that apartment as fast as I can.

 

“Dude, that was so gay” it’s what Ymir tells me once we are in front of the building. I sigh, and I roll my eyes as I start walking without waiting for her. I have no intentions whatsoever to even engage in a walk with that monster, even less having a conversation. Even though I spend half of my morning sleeping, it’s still 11, so I have just the time to go back to the apartment and crush Marlo at _GranTurismo_ one last time before the beginning of this sad and long fall semester.

 

“Where the fuck are you going? We have business to talk about” she says, and I groans. I don’t like to be told what to do, I’d rather be the one in control of the situation, and especially with Ymir, every situations just look like a fucking bomb that is waiting to explode.

 

“Fuck you” I answer, and I feel so much better after saying that “Fuck you, your fucking plan and your fucking existence” okay, maybe it’s too much, but she’s threatening me about posting my notes to the world, she deserves it a little bit “I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you, this whole morning was humiliating enough” well, now I am just being dramatic, because I had a really nice breakfast, and everyone (except maybe Christa a little bit) treated me nice. But I will never say that to her. 

 

“I don’t fucking care about what you want dipshit, you do what I tell you to do and stop” her voice is really calm, like I didn’t insult her at all, and I don’t know if I should be glad for it, or pissed. I’d go with pissed because I can’t stand her face.

 

“Why would you even make them break up, they’re so grossly in love,” I say annoyed. It’s true. Marco fucking loves Christa, and she loves him back. Even though it’s disgusting and sometimes wrong in my eyes, it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong for real. “And even if they weren’t grossly in love, Marco is straighter than an arrow, so I can’t help you” maybe she feels the disappointment in my voice when I say that Marco is straight, because Ymir pushes me and I almost trip in my toes.

 

“He’s openly bisexual, idiot” and even though my mind just went blank for about a second once I got that information in my head, still I have to remember that he is happily in a relationship with a super nice girl “if he were straight I wouldn’t ask you, would I?” and that makes perfect sense if I have to be honest.

 

“Whatever… I have no fucking clue on what to do” I honestly say to her “Like… did you see how awkward I am in front of him? There is no way in hell that I can succeed” and that’s true. I can’t even stand a chance to Christa. She’s just too perfect and I am every other things than perfect. I am a complete mess who doesn’t even know how to take care of myself.

 

“Jeez, your self-esteem is lower than the temperature during the glacial age, _horse-face_ ” and I can feel that she is pitying on me. I hate that. I hate when people tell me these kind of things. They remind me of my aunt Marie, fucking annoying. I don’t need these kind of comments, they make me sick.

 

“Listen to me” she says, and her tone is somehow sweeter than normal (not that Ymir can be sweet, let’s be real) “you have to start being a friend to Marco to begin with, treat him nice, court him and so on” and like, I don’t know if she has any idea of who is talking to, but I am not really the type of guy who starts friendship very easily, especially with someone I like. “I mean, he gave to you his _Calcutta_ t-shirt, so you will be just fine…” Ymir moistens her lips and she stares at the t-shirt again “now that I think about it some more, like why the fuck would he give it to you anyway” if I knew the answer I think I would be the one to answer to everybody this fucking question.

 

“The fuck,” I say instead, but she shrugs her shoulders.

 

“Anyway, the weekend before midterms omega psi have organized a party” she stars smiling brightly with an evil grin “it’s like one of that 80s party, but they decided that everybody was throwing 80s party so they decided to put 70s instead, but we all know that everybody will pull their best 80s outfit” I believe that these are not Ymir words, because it seems some kind of broken records while she speaks “and before that we have to make sure that they end their bullshit” I want to ask why is it important to do it before the damn party, but I don’t really want to talk to her.

 

We walk together some more, Ymir heading to the school Gym, which with my luck happened to be next to my apartment complex. I have never liked to walk next to Ymir, she is famous to attract troubles and to create them. She is the only girl who is allowed to practice wrestling with the guys, because the other girls are afraid that she may break their bones. Not that she didn’t break any of the guys’ bones, but they’re too absorbed with their toxic masculinity to even consider giving up to her. However, I soon spot my door, and I manage to say a quick good-bye before she would have tried to threaten me more than she already has.

 

“Remember _horse-face_ , you don’t do what I tell you, and I’ll ruin your life” she screams smiling. It’s even more terrifying when she does it like that, because she knows that she has me wrapped around her fingers. Fuck my life. I quickly open the door and sprint too the elevator.

 

Marlo and I live on the third floor, and I could have totally used the stairs if it wasn’t for the fact that I am a lazy asshole who barely walks to go to class. I look myself in the mirror again, and my face looks like a mess. I have big black circles under my eyes, the purple of the bruise is very deep, with a glimpse of green around it, which remind me of the corpse’s bride, and there is a huge scab on my lower lip. Great, tomorrow will be the worst first day of classes that I have ever had in my life. I just hate to show myself as a trouble-maker to my professors, I was in all honors classes this time! I growl loudly as I go out and swing left to go straight to my door.

 

The apartment is not that different from Marco’s, and now that I look around better I think that I even have less furniture than him, which now it makes much more sense in my head why it would look more like a real house and not a students’ house. Anyway, as soon as I get to the living room I regret not staying at Marco’s house, because Marlo and his girlfriend Hitch are making out _hard_ on the couch and I really want to die.

 

“Fuck Marlo, you have a single room, you know that,” I say, and I really need to get holy water for my eyes because he was groping Hitch boobs, and she was with one hand inside his pants. I’m truly happy that I stopped them because I will literally kill him if I would find jizz on the couch, but like I will also be traumatized for life by the vision.

 

“Hi Jean” Hitch says annoyed, and I can just roll my eyes because fuck them. It is also my house, and that is the fucking living room “Did you just come back from a fight? Did you lose?” I roll my eyes, and I just go to the fridge to grab some juice, maybe I can use some to sweeten my day. Marlo doesn’t say anything, he gets up and goes straight to the bathroom. He probably hates me now, but whatever.

 

“More like I lost my dignity” I answer to her while she buttons her pants. They’re not that bad, Marlo and Hitch. Yes, she is a total bitch, maybe even worse than Ymir sometimes, but at least there is Marlo who can balance her and tell her when she is unbearable. She gets up, comes near me, and steals my juice before I can even try it. Perfect. This day is getting worse any seconds. I growl while I grab another glass, but then Hitch starts staring at me, almost impressed.

 

“No shit, you hook up with Marco Bodt” does she sound impressed? I can feel my ears and my cheeks going red. What the fuck is wrong with the world? Why do I have to deal with this shit?

 

“What the fuck? No! What’s wrong with you?” I answer, and I am impressed by the absence of any stutter. And why would she think of Marco?

 

“Dude, you’re wearing the _holy_ t-shirt, either you two hook up or he loves you” she is dead serious, and my embarrassment doesn’t seem to leave after that. Actually, her being all and mighty makes me also really nervous. I don’t understand the damn deal with this fucking t-shirt, but it’s been two hours of weird questions and glances.

 

“What’s the deal,” I ask suddenly “everyone is freaked out I’m wearing this t-shirt, but what the fuck” fuck might be my new favorite word, I just hope to not say it in front of any of my professors, or my dad. God, I wish I would never swear in front of my dad, I would literally kill myself.

 

“True, you weren’t there this summer,” she says popping her tongue “the Trost group in Italy went to this Italian concert, because Marco likes that shit and he wanted us to enjoy Italian culture or whatever” and did everybody study abroad in Italy this summer? I know I am the worst at keeping contact and that I don’t have an Instagram, but someone could have told me this stuff “so like at the end of the concert he wanted the t-shirt of the concert, and that was the last one at the shop” she puts more juice in her glass and smiles, it must have been a nice summer “we started joking about it, like being the _holy_ t-shirt and shit like this because he was treating it like some sort of treasure” now it makes so much more sense, in a way. It’s just one of their inside jokes. There’s really no need for me to be pressured by that. It’s just a t-shirt. Yes, he is attached to it, but still a normal t-shirt.

 

“Oh” I answer, because I can’t really say something else. Not that I feel more relaxed or something, but Hitch starts talking about the beginning of classes, and Marlo comes back making really bad jokes about me having angry sex and ending up like this. I have no heart to tell him that I really wish it was angry sex, but whatever.

 

Being with Marlo and Hitch is not that bad, because they are not that kind of couple who starts making out just because, and they don’t tease each other or make me uncomfortable around them (of course it’s nice not finding them half naked on the couch, but I can’t have everything). Also, it’s absolutely amazing to play _Call of Duty_ with them. We don’t even bother on having lunch, and we end up spend the whole day in front the television. Around seven Hitch decides that she is hungry, so I open Deliveroo and I give to her my phone so she can check whatever she wants to eat. She orders three burgers with shit tons of curly fries, and I only hope she didn’t order from that shitty place near the math campus. We stop playing only when the bell rings, and Marlo starts putting some cups on the table for the beers, Hitch goes to take the food and I close the television. Before sitting I remember I’m still wearing Marco’s t-shirt. Marco’s _favorite_ t-shirt, and I’ve been wearing it all day. It smells like him, a mixture of cinnamon and mint, just like all the soaps in his bathroom.

 

“Start putting everything out while I quickly go change” Hitch laughs slightly and I hear Marlo’s saying something along the lines about me not wanting to get my boyfriend t-shirt dirty. Ugh. I hate him so much. I put on another t-shirt, which I usually use as a pajama, and I go straight to the kitchen. Hitch is seated next to Marlo, her legs are tangling in a really weird way to his, and they are like really domestic. Even if I shouldn’t, in my mind I can’t force myself to not compare them to Marco and Christa. Truth is that Marlo and Hitch have been together since forever, even before coming to Uni, but their body language is completely different from the couple that I’ve seen this morning. They’re not very touchy, and in my mind, they don’t seem so wrong, they are just right. It’s really childish and stupid to justify the validity of a couple just because it feels right or not, but I really can’t help it. Thinking about them reminds me of Ymir. I suddenly want to die.

 

“Guys,” I say taking a bunch of curly fries in my hand, but I am not sure if I want to talk about it with them. I mean, Marlo is like the closest thing that I have as a friend who will not betray me (Armin and Connie don’t count in this case because they can’t keep a secret not even if their life depend on it), and Hitch is not the type of girl who likes gossiping. Maybe I should just be very vague or something. But again, how can I ask advice for breaking up a couple without giving example or explaining why? It’s just too difficult and-

 

“Jean, are you okay? Are you rambling in your head again?” Marlo brings me back to reality, and both him and Hitch are staring at me with concern looks. Actually, being in my head is something that I am doing quite often lately, and Marlo is always there calling me a weirdo, or like telling me that someday I will stop to talk to people and I will just glare and growl at them just like _Derek Hale_ from _Teen Wolf_.

 

“I-I have a question” I manage to say at the end, trying not to be embarrassed. Marlo looks me in the eyes, and I notice Hitch moving her attention from her burger to me. I mean, if someone knows how to break up a couple they must be Marlo and Hitch. Even though they are absolutely nice with the people they’re friends with, they are also fucking annoying and very few people like them “Have you ever thought about breaking up?” the girl chokes. Hitch untangles herself from Marlo and takes a long sip of Pepsi from one of the many cans that they opened before.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” Marlo asks me, but I roll my eyes. Of course, they have to take it bad.

 

“You know what? Forget it, let’s watch something trash from Netflix, like _Secret’s life of the American Teenagers_ -”

 

“Dude, no, what the fuck, why would you think about it?” ugh. Why would I even bring it up? Oh right, Ymir is blackmailing me and I need all the fucking help in the entire world.

 

“Do you want us to break up?” Hitch asks with terror in her eyes, and what is wrong with people always assuming what I say.

 

“Fuck, no! I just- okay, I have this _friend_ ,-”

 

“Who? You don’t have many friends, not many people like you” bitch really? I don’t need many friends thank you very much, but I just ignore Marlo’s comment to go back to my absolutely perfect cover story.

 

“This _friend_ , who will stay anonymous, asks me if I knew how to break a couple, and I was just-”

 

“Jean, that’s just really mean, Marco is hot and all but-”

 

“What the f- no! My _friend_ has nothing to do with him! Jeez, are you obsessed of something?” those words, coming from my mouth? Yes, it’s hilarious, but one must do everything to keep it quiet. Also, this is the first time I have ever had some kind of contact with Marco, and I’m not gonna let them find out my crush on him. Maybe this can also be my time to get over with it and stop making him like a God or something.

 

“Well, your _friend_ is a dick, you can’t do it” Marlo starts sipping his beer “it’s just wrong, it’s no good to meddle in these situations, you have to let them go” and it makes perfect sense. Really. No one should just ruin something like a relationship just for fun. Problem is, it’s not for fun.

 

“What if my _friend_ has to do it? Like he’s been blackmailed or something…” and maybe I said too much, because Hitch comes next to me, with her puppy eyes. It’s almost scary because she has constantly a resting bitch face, and it makes me swallow loudly.

 

“Is someone threatening you? Is this why your face looks like you’ve been in the fight club?” Hitch’s words are sweet, like she is really worried about what’s going on. Maybe I should really tell them. Maybe they can help me find a way to stop Ymir by publishing my diary. “Maybe we can call Armin? Or I can also ask Annie, she has that scary face. People say that she killed someone, but like I can’t even think about Annie killing a mosquito!” and no. The more people know about this, the more it’s possible that Ymir will just sink me down without even trying with her plan. No shit.

 

“Of course not! Really guys, we are talking about a _friend_! And my _friend_ is not- he is not in danger, he is just a dick, like you said and he thinks about this weird scenarios” I simply answer, and I take another bunch of chips hoping that they will drop other questions.

 

“I got curios” I add then, and even if it doesn’t convince Marlo, Hitch nods taking back her burger and biting it loudly.

 

“Well, if that’s so…” I knew from the beginning that Hitch would have had some ideas. She is like an evil genius when we talk about revenge or just being a bitch. During our first year in Trost, she made a girl cry in a disco because she wanted to dance with Marlo, but he said no and then she called him ugly. It was the best and the worst thing that I have ever witnessed from her.

 

“It depends about the situation, every couple is different” she starts, and like okay, I already know that, like Romance 101 “does your _friend_ like one of the people in the relationship?” she asks looking me in the eyes. I can tell they don’t believe in ‘ _my friend’_ story, but I couldn’t care less.

 

“Maybe” I answer, and she raises one of her eyebrows trying not to laugh at my face. Marlo doesn’t even want to take part of the conversation, muttering that ‘ _you can’t just do some shit like it_ ’ or ‘ _it’s wrong_ ’ and ‘ _you must be sick to do something like it_ ’.

 

“So, maybe, this friend of yours must start with baby steps, you know?” she dips her fries in a huge amount of ketchup, and put them in her mouth all at once. It’s kind of gross, and I would really say something about it, but whatever, she is giving me advices.

 

“Get to know the person, or know them better, hanging out” her hands goes up and down, I don’t really know why she keeps of gesturing it because it’s really distracting, but I start to understand what she is saying to me “like, you have to lead them into cheating or something” she finishes with a grin on her face, like she is proud of what she’s saying.

 

“Would you remember me why I love you?” Marlo asks rolling his eyes, Hitch raises an eyebrow and pops her tongue. It’s quick, she whispers something in Marlo’s ear and then he stops her. I really don’t want to know what she has been saying to him, like it must be something really disgusting.

 

“Anyway,” she says satisfied by the reactions she got from Marlo “if you get them to cheat, there is no way in hell that they will go back together. I mean, cheating is the absolute worst” it awfully makes sense. I mean, I have no idea about how could I get Marco to cheat on Christa, because I think he would never do something so low like that, but there is no harm in trying.

 

“Yeah, it makes sense, thank you” then I ask if they want to watch a movie or something, but Hitch has to go home and get ready for tomorrow. It’s actually pretty late, and my first class tomorrow is at 8.30, so we finish eating and then she says goodbyes popping a really wet kiss on Marlo’s cheek. He grunts, but he let her go home.

 

“Go to bed, you look like shit,” he says to me starting cleaning up. I thank him, because even though I did nothing all day I feel utterly exhausted. In my room, I quickly fall on my bed ready to sleep forever. I set my alarm and I hope that I would go to sleep really soon. Before closing my eyes I quickly stare at Marco’s yellow t-shirt on the chair. I feel something tight in my chest, and I smile while finally, sleep comes to me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooo, sorry for the wait, but college wait for nobody! i hope i can finish writing chapter three in time for next week. happy to anyone that has read the first and this chapter. it means so much to me, and like just thank you guys, even for just reading it!!

**Author's Note:**

> this something that i had in my mind the whole summer, and like while i was listening to the calcutta album i was like 'man, I just imagined Marco singing it to Jean, and him just being frustrated because he doesn't know what he is talking about', and then i create this monster, which i did not finish, but i truly hope to. thank you very much for reading until here, here is a link where you can read the translation of the Italian song that marco is singing: 
> 
> https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Frah-Quintale-feat-Giorgio-Poi/Missili/translation/english


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